Learning to 'handle hard' ...
In this video from Duke women’s basketball, head coach Kara Lawson delivers a powerful message for all of us. Please take a moment to watch before you read.
“It never gets easier. What happens is you become someone who handles hard stuff better.”
Kara Lawson is right, you know. Life is hard. And we’ve got to learn how to handle hard better.
Almost daily I get a call or text from someone with this type of message:
“I feel so bad. The ———— family had to put down their dog last night.”
“———— lost her job yesterday. Big downsizing at her company.”
“I went to the grocery store yesterday and the bread I buy is now $8 a loaf. It was $5 last week.”
“l can’t go to the concert. My boss forgot about a big project, and he wants me to have it done first thing in the morning. HIS lack of planning became MY emergency.”
“Can you drive me to work? I just went out to the car and I have a flat.”
“I know I was supposed to help you tomorrow, but I can’t. I’ve tested positive for COVID.”
Maybe you can relate. Life is hard.
Really hard, some days.
So, how do we prepare our kids to “handle the hard” they will encounter down the line?
At DFS we do it through basketball, which I’ll get to in a moment.
And with two simple questions a pair of my students taught me last week.
Emma Vedro, a freshman at OLSH, demonstrates what it looks like to learn a new skill. Spoiler Alert: It’s not easy.
EMMA VEDRO,
A freshman at OLSH
Out of the blue I asked Emma Vedro of OLSH if she wanted to learn how to perform “Walking Scissors.” Why? I happen to think it’s a great way to develop rhythm and timing with the dribble. Emma had never tried it before, but she was willing to give it a shot. She even agreed to be filmed to document her experience.
Her challenge: Make it past the half-court line before our training session ended that day.
(If you haven’t yet, please take a moment now to watch her brief video.)
Did you notice what happened?
Novelty. (Hey, this is fun!)
Frustration. (This is awful.)
“I got three. Let me see if I can get four next time.”
“Ugh! I’m not getting any!”
“Hey, I think I CAN do this!”
“I DID it!”
I say it over and over, and I’ll say it again now: There’s no magic pill. The only route to excellence is through intentional, focused, and consistent practice.
In other words, Emma just displayed what acquiring a new skill DOES look like. Even more important, she just showed us what acquiring a new skill SHOULD look like.
For most students, this is the DFS experience. You won’t get it on the first try. You probably won’t get it on the second, third or 15th try.
But if you stick with it, you WILL get it.
Emma DID get it, but she learned something much more valuable that day than just how to perform Walking Scissors. She learned how to handle hard.
Jon Bertovich, a freshman at Geneva College, accepted the Floater Challenge — And failed. or did he? See for yourself in this video.
JON BERTOVICH
A freshman at Geneva College
Jon is my longest-tenured student. We’ve been working together for nearly seven years.
Throughout our relationship, Jon has always been up for a challenge, so it wasn’t surprising when he accepted mine last Friday. It was our “Floater Day,” and Jon is training relentlessly to master this part of his game as he prepares for college ball.
Here’s what I asked him to do: Perform two dribble moves across the court, then hit a floater each time. Oh, and maybe this is the most important part: He had to make seven in a row. In 35 seconds.
As you may have guessed, Jon couldn’t do it.
At least on the first try. Or the second. Or the third, fourth, fifth and sixth attempts.
But on the seventh … he ALMOST made it. His last shot rimmed out as time expired.
So he tried again. And again. And again.
By this point, you could ring out his T-shirt and fill a jug. His breaths were shallow and labored. Yet he had no intention of stopping.
Watching him reminded me of the quote from legendary North Carolina soccer coach Anson Dorrance.
"The vision of a champion is someone who is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion when nobody else is watching.”
Then, finally, on the 11th attempt, Jon nailed it. (See for yourself in the video).
Following a hi-five and a hug, here’s what I told Jon: “On November 10, when you’re playing against Youngstown State, remember this moment. Remember this breakthrough. When it’s late in the game and your lungs are burning, your team will need you to step up at a big moment. Now you know you can do it.”
*****
OK, a bit earlier I mentioned two guiding questions for teachers and students to achieve breakthroughs in learning. Here they are:
At the point of frustration and failure, we must ask a student …
Ready to try again?
That’s it. Just ask …
Ready to try again?
When we pose the question this way, we’re ceding control to our pupil — but without letting him off the hook. We’re implying there WILL be a next time.
Should our student answer, “No,” then we can simply respond: “OK, I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
And here’s the other question. After reading about Emma and Jon, players and students need to ask themselves this …
I know I probably COULD do what Emma and Jon did during their practice sessions. But WOULD I do it, especially with the number of attempts they needed to succeed?
As Coach Kara said in her video, life is hard. And only one answer to this question can teach you how to handle whatever hard comes your way.
Yep.
(Some build houses. Some build businesses. I love to build people. When I’m not in a gym, I’m behind a laptop learning how the best of the best grow, communicate, and flourish. Then I share those lessons with clients. Want to connect? Email me here or call me at 412.849.4775. I’d love to hear your story.)