Eight words to define your success

Performance psychologist Jim Loehr, as illustrated by 99designs on the Tim Ferriss blog.

Eight words.

Just eight stinkin’ words.

I mean, how hard could that be? Pretty doggone hard if you give yourself only five minutes to come up with them.

But that’s the exercise I tried yesterday morning after listening to a fascinating podcast. The discussion between Tim Ferriss and Dr. Jim Loehr, a world-renowned performance psychologist, couldn’t have been more in my wheelhouse. Their 90-minute conversation focused on sustained excellence among athletes and organizations. 

And in the midst of their talk, Loehr shared a pair of questions he poses to his clients. 

What is most important in your life? Who do you REALLY want to be during your time on this earth?

He then asks those same people to take five minutes to write down eight words to describe themselves when they are at their absolute best. Or another way to think about it: What eight words would you like to be written on your tombstone?

After four minutes and 59 seconds of mental jousting, here are the eight words I jotted down. 

1) Courageous 

“Morally courageous,” to be exact. It’s the decision to stand for what you believe in and value — even when it could mean you lose a job, a big game or a major sale. This one’s unique because it encompasses two parts: In order to become courageous, you first need to be afraid. I’ve got that box checked for sure. 

2) Compassionate 

It’s been said that the real test of a man is not how tall he stands, but how low he will stoop to help another in need. I want my back to hurt because of how often I pick someone up when they fall. Lord knows I’ve been lifted up too many times to count.

3) Present 

Say what you will about Bill Clinton’s politics or personal life, but there’s a common thought that’s shared among all who have had a conversation with the former president: “He made you feel as if you’re the only person in the room.” There’s nothing more fulfilling than to make another feel valued, heard, and loved. It’s a privilege to offer that gift.

4) Wise 

Acquiring knowledge is one thing. Knowing when and how to apply it is quite another. That’s called wisdom. So here’s the question I need to constantly ask myself: What I am doing with what I’m learning?

5) Loving

I don’t mean the warm and fuzzy feeling we get when we fall in love. I mean the act of loving. Caring enough to enter another’s heart with your words and actions. Wanting the best for another, even if it means confronting them with hard truths. Not asking “how are you?” as a greeting. But REALLY wanting to know.

6) Complete

We often use the word “integrity” to signify a state of being complete or undivided. Some view it as “trustworthy.” Essentially, I mean acting the same when you’re “off duty” as you do when you’re “on duty.” In one of the TV commercials for his law firm, my friend Larry Kelly shares this powerful thought from his dad, Fred: “My father would always tell me the definition of personal integrity is simple: ‘Do what you say you are going to do.’ ” Nothing I can add to that.

7) Simple

Yeah, I know. This one has a negative connotation, but hear me out. Here’s what simple means to me: He loved God. He loved his wife. He loved his kids. He understood that movement and proper nutrition are good for the body. He understood that reading the Bible and other inspiring material is good for the soul. He understood that igniting others to reach their full potential keeps the flame burning in our own hearts. 

Nothing complicated there, right? But how many times do I ignore my own advice? (Hint: Far too many.)

So here’s my final word:

8) Eternal.

All of life is merely practice for what lies ahead.

Every day is simply another opportunity to learn, grow, and experiment.

Each moment is just another step toward BECOMING who God has created us to be.

Each encounter is yet another reminder of how we all REALLY desire to live. Whether we live up to our standards or not.

As proof, Loehr was shocked to learn there’s a central theme when his clients turn in their answers. Out of thousands of papers received through the years, they all shared nearly identical responses. No one mentioned “winning.” No one wrote down “rich.” Nobody answered “bad-ass.”

Instead, the responses veered toward moral, ethical, and character-fueled traits. The “hidden scorecard,” as Loehr calls it.

“Our treatment of others,” he said, “is the gold standard we will use as we determine our success on this planet.”

So here’s the bottom line: Every victory, every A on the report card, every promotion, every sale, and every championship matters greatly.

Or they don’t matter at all.

Your own eight words will help you know the difference.

(Tim Kolodziej is the author of this piece and founder of EnspireU.com. When he’s not behind a laptop, he can be found inside a gym helping young athletes create their own unique future — one rep at a time. Click here to connect with him by email.)